Ups and Downs

So my goal is to maintain my weight through the holidays.  I was doing good, until I had to get on the scale this morning and gained 3 lbs in a week.  Things like this get me, mentally down.  I keep thinking to myself how much better I am doing post comp this time than last time.  It seems like every day is a challenge to find that balance.  Some days are easy:-)  and others are a struggle.  I am thankful I have another friend that I can vent to who knows this process.  I just have to keep my head positive and do my best even more to stay on track.  I need to remember why I do this, for myself, and for the way I feel, GOOD.  One thing that is a huge positive in this is inspiring people.  I have inspired someone just this last week to loose 15lbs.  Her motto is WWRD, What Would Roxanne Do.  I LOVE this and it helps me keep in check knowing she is looking at me for inspiration.  Knowing I have helped inspire just one person, means so much.  That is huge in keeping my own self inspired.  Well this note was short and sweet, just needed to express my morning struggle which will soon pass.  Stay positive, do it for yourself and most importantly BE HAPPY. 

Summing up to get to today...

I'm starting this blog a little late, so I'll do my best to sum up this last year or so to get us here to date.  Let's see, I got fat in my eyes. I gained 15 lbs and basically hit bottom and did NOT like the way I looked and even worse hated the way I felt in my clothes.  I tried anything I could to loose weight.  I finally got myself a trainer and that was the BEST decision I have done for myself and my health.  I told her my goal was to get this stupid 15lbs off of me.  She said she could get me there and then we would get to her goal which was another 10 lbs.  In the process I lost the 15lb the HEALTHY way by eating right and doing cardio. I signed up for the Shamrock 1/2 marathon and kicked ass on it.  I felt awesome.  I signed up for a stair climb and that view up top was amazing.  In the process of loosing another 10 lbs I did the Big Sur Half Marathon and did awesome, but injured my IT Band:-(.  Not knowing what I did I ran the CIM relay two weeks later and was in the worst pain ever!   I was sad and a little depressed knowing I couldn't run anytime soon.  I was lost without something in front of me to keep me focused.  I felt so good loosing this weight and then some, felt so active and great.  I knew I needed something else to keep me on track and focused.  After talking with my hubby and knowing I had his support 100% I decided to do my first bikini competition.  Told my trainer and my training started that moment.  All I can say about that was it was a mind challenge more than anything.  I took my body to the limits and then some.  I lost another 16 lbs., had people constantly asking my why I was getting so skinny, asking if I was starving all the time.  Funny what people think, but knowing I was eating 6x times a day.  I came in second to last in my bikini class and I had the most fun experience ever.  I LOVED every moment of it. My biggest competition was myself, and getting on that stage.  I did just that and in my eyes was a winner. My mom, sister, hubby and three of my great friends all came to see me, and I was thankful to have their support.   I didn't cheat myself one time in the process, did my cardio every single day I was told to, I committed 100% to myself and left with an amazing experience. I must say the after affect of my show hit my like a whirlwind.  I ate everything in site.  When you have people telling you to go eat lots of food because I was too skinny, it gets to you.  So I ate everything and gained 10 lbs in two days.  Mostly water retention.  I think I put my body in shock.  I cried and was depressed.  I literally worked my ass off and to have it come back so quickly screwed with my mind!!  Thankful for my husband's support and my trainers support I pulled through this horrible after effect and decided to do another show.  Yes I am crazy...I decided to do a figure show instead of bikini.  My trainer and I both thought with my body type, figure would probably be better.  So my journey start August 1st.  I LOVE figure over bikini any day.  I loved watching my body transform, getting a little more muscle.  I wasn't nearly as fatigued as I was doing bikini.  Don't get me wrong I had some days where it was He11, but the good days out numbered those by far.  I placed 4th out of 4th in my class.  I was bummed this time.  First thing I told my hubby was I was done!!  Again, with his support he told me I would not go out like that, and I needed to do another show.  After a much needed good nights rest, I decided I'm better than to just give up. I want to kick A$$ and decided to do another competition, this one is scheduled for end of March 2014. 
Where I am at today, is my struggle to find balance and maintain my weight.  It's a struggle as my pants felt loose 4weeks ago and now feel tight.  I know I also have more muscle on me than when I did bikini but it still plays with the mind.  I must say though I have handled this after show much much better than the bikini after affects.  I have more control and am not shoveling in any food I can in my mouth.  I am keeping up on my cardio and weights, just trying my best to maintain on my food since I have a little more leeway than when I am in training.  
I love the fact that I am doing any and all of these things by eating clean, living healthy and doing cardio.  I do not, nor will I ever take anything to make me skinnier or bulk up.  I would rather come in dead last every time being on that stage by doing so naturally than to come in first by taking something.  I love the challenge and live for it.  It's my time, it's my mental therapy.  If I am working out with my amazing trainer, or doing cardio outside, it's just my time and I need it. 
This pretty much sums it up as quickly as I could to get to date.  This will be my fit journey and my next goal is Figure Competition The Governor's Cup in Sacramento end of March 2014.  My goal right now will be to:
maintain my weight,
not over eat crap,
and getting through the holidays following just those two things!  Here goes my journey though my eyes.....